Defending Marriage and the Catholic Faith

How Catholics can respond to same-sex marriage activists in truth and love

By Chuck Weber

You Catholics are bigots.  More specifically, Catholics like you who regularly attend Sunday Mass and partake of the Sacraments, generously give of your time, talent and treasure, support Catholic education and health care and other Catholic causes. In short, Catholics like you who believe in and practice your faith are bigots!

At least that’s what an increasingly vocal list of national and local commentators are saying since it’s quite likely you don’t support one of their sacred cows—the redefinition of marriage to include same-sex couples.

This assault against Catholics (and others, most notably Mormons) who support the time-tested ideal of marriage erupted into a firestorm after voters in California and elsewhere approved statewide constitutional amendments reaffirming marriage as only between a man and a woman.

Same-sex marriage activists are hurling every sort of insult our way in an attempt to intimidate and shame us; hence the “b word.”  Truth be told, no one likes being called nasty names and Catholics searching their conscience might even begin to wonder if there’s any truth to the charge.  The answer to that question, on a legal, cultural and spiritual level is an unequivocal no. 

So how should Catholics respond?  In defending the Culture of Life against injustice, we must always speak in truth and love.  Shouting matches produce much heat but precious little light. While we know from Sacred Scripture, Catholic Tradition and Natural Law that marriage is reserved for one woman and one man, many of the most effective and truthful arguments have nothing to do with religion.  As my good friend Bishop Ronald Gilmore of Dodge City is fond of saying, there is nothing so stubborn as a fact, and the facts are on our side.  Lay them out with gentleness, compassion and yes, authentic tolerance. 

People have a right to live as they choose, they don’t have the right to redefine marriage for all of us.  In countless diverse societies and cultures throughout the history of humankind, marriage has been and always will be the union of a man and woman.  We seek to affirm this in the face of those who wish to simply redefine this ideal. And we certainly don’t want government or judges changing that definition for us today or for our children tomorrow.

Marriage is about bringing together men and women so children can have mothers and fathers. Do we really want to teach the next generation that one-half of humanity—either mothers or fathers—are dispensable and unimportant? Children are confused enough right now with sexual messages. Let’s not confuse them further.

Do you really believe people who believe mothers and fathers both matter to kids are like bigots and racists? I think that’s pretty offensive, don’t you? If that’s true, then why do overwhelming majorities of African-Americans and Hispanics in California and elsewhere oppose same-sex marriage?  Affirming marriage as the union of husband and wife isn’t new and it’s not taking away anyone’s rights. It’s common sense.

Public schools would be forced to teach children that two “married men” (or women) are just the same as a husband and wife—as a mom and dad—when to comes to raising children.  They aren’t.  When the idea that children need moms and dads get legally stigmatized as bigotry, the job of parents and faith communities trying to transmit a marriage culture to their kids is going to get a lot harder. Two men might each be a good father, but neither can be a mom. The ideal for children is the love of their own mom and dad. No same-sex couple can provide that.

Religious Freedom.  Legal experts around the country—including those who do not have an opinion about same-sex marriage—agree that groups like the Salvation Army and yes, even Catholic Charities, may lose their tax exemptions or be denied the use of parks and other public facilities unless they endorse gay marriage.  When the Massachusetts State Supreme Court approved gay marriage, the nation’s oldest adoption agency, Catholic Charities of Boston, was forced to close its doors.

In fact, there are solid answers to every attempt at redefining marriage.  It is a cruel irony that the Catholic Church—the most passionate defender of human rights and the family the world has ever known—is now under attack for protecting marriage against attempts to redefine it.  Catholics should resist the urge to respond in kind to these vicious assaults with far more powerful and effective weapons: faith, reason and love.    

Chuck Weber is Executive Director of SaintMax Worldwide, Inc.  For more on how to respond to same-sex marriage issues and to view a newly released short film online called “One Man, One Woman: Marriage and the Common Good,” log onto www.saintmaxworldwide.org.